in grief & gratitude

in memory of my younger cousin, Shiku

me and my younger cousin, Shiku, as children in Kenya

It is an honor to have been loved by you in this harsh world. You are beyond description, but I will try as best as any older cousin would. You, sparkle and laughter, joy and the best of the world.

I want the world to stop and for time to freeze, to call you and complain and laugh and plan my visit in June. It is April and your last date was in March. I love you like something real.

I thought we’d grey together, with less wars and pain in our midst. You would teach me to bake and we’d giggle when i’d get it wrong. Borrowed your guitar in Kenya. I want to learn all your favorite songs.

You would say something encouraging right now. You would be level headed and so sincere. You would ask if I ate. You would smile that smile and stretch out your words into a hug.

It hurts and it hurt already. It pains me to think of life without you here. You finished your work. We don’t know what to do and we’ll figure it out, find a way through.

The sting is in my eyes all the days since. I didn’t do my death doula training for this, for you to die suddenly. I did it so we could live better. I did it to process grief and make sense. This brain is all fog without you.

I want to break things and scream. I have punched pillows and sobbed. I will feel your loss for the rest of my days. Older cousins are supposed to tease, not help plan funerals. All I know is how much I love you.

Created the Northern American cousins chat I told you about, the week of your death, almost added your number to it. Last Easter was tough, this one is harder.

It’s almost my birthday and I will celebrate for once. I’ll find a cake, not as good as one of yours, and blow out the candles for the both of us. There is no replacing you and no logic to this reality. There is only grief and to-do lists, calls to make and flights to book.

I talk about grief. I write about grief. I make memes about grief. I read books about grief. I listen to playlists about grief. Still this has rocked my entire world. Still I am a heart pounding and cracked. Still have to lay you to rest even though I don’t want you gone.

You don’t get to choose who you’re related to and I got a good friend. We shared clothes and rooms, moms too. Our moms are not okay, no one in our family is right now.

We both have month names, you June and me April. I was supposed to come to visit you in June, not come to help lay you to rest in April. I will pray for your peace and my strength. I will love on your family with all my might.

You were one of a kind, Shiku. Shiku, I am so proud of you. Shiku, you can’t be gone. Shiku, I don’t want to come to terms. Shiku, I will try my best and not let this wound stop the living you would want us to do.

I will keep your memory alive, Shiku. I will keep on, for you. In grief and gratitude, Shiku.

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Help us honor the life of our beloved, Shiku, and lay her to rest ❤️‍🩹

June Charity Wanjiku (Shiku) Mwangi was taken ill and rushed to Ottawa Hospital where she was pronounced dead on Monday, March 30th 2026. She was just 30 years old and had a full life ahead of her. Our family is in deep shock and grief.

Shiku was a bright light in the world. She was always thinking of others and we hope to honor her memory by giving her the dignified rest she deserves.

We are seeking support as we travel, organize, and plan her funeral. Anything helps as we may try to repatriate her remains to Kenya. This is a major loss and we are all still processing as we try to find a way through.

Thank you for your prayers and support during this difficult time.

Financial contributions for funeral expenses can be sent to:

Venmo: @wangamiro

Cashapp: $wangamiro

Zelle: +17147973629

Gofundme: bit.ly/shikufuneralfund

Mpesa: Eyan Mwangi at 074292573